Rage or Void
by unlockedmusic
Summary: Brought up to be the perfect child, Bella doesn't know family other than her neglectful dead father, or her greedy mother who abandoned her a week before her birthday. When Bella comes back from her travels ready to go back to school she's unprepared to meet the friendly, golden eyed family, who just might treat her as their own. R&R! Canon couples.
1. Chapter 1: Red Sky

** A/N: Ok I wanted to start something new, since my heart just wasn't in my former story which I had deleted. So I've got to reading stories where Bella has grown close to the Cullen family in which they see her as a daughter, or sister most of those were short, or one-shots. This is all canon couples. In this I wanted to show where Bella starts to experience an actual family. Bella is a bit OOC, but I wont drift to off the plot. I'm planning squeeze in New Moon also, but MUCH more further in. I won't have Renesmee in this, just to let you know. Ok this is long. This is just a background on whats been going on with Bella before going back to Forks, so sorry if you get bored to death.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything. Everything belongs to Stephanie Meyer.**

** Song: Red Sky by Thrice**

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I will never be able fully comprehend my life. If that's what you can call it.

Isabella Marie Swan, age 17 born on September 13, 1987, to Renee and Charlie. She felt confused. About everything.

5% grace

5% pageant

10% music

25% nomad

55% numb

But yet she wonders where is the part that tells how much is real? Where does it say how much humanity she holds? No cause she's not human she's hollow. Completely empty and emotionless inside. Void is what she is. Void of any feeling. Void of comprehension. Void of being human.

Yes, I am Void. But I prefer Bella. At the ripe age of 4 my womb carrier had put me in dance to avoid being clumsy, but I had my moments. She had also signed me up for pageants throughout every year. The woman that holds none of my positive regards had later placed me in music lessons for guitar, piano, singing, cello, violin, saxophone, and to learn to read music (Not that I remember how to play all of them that well). Later on for every six months the witch made me learn a language so I can speak English, German, French, Italian, Russian, Spanish, Hebrew, Portuguese, Dutch, and Swahili(I loved the Lion King). I had to visit all those countries, excluding the Latin for obvious reason, for week or less for five years. Renee didn't give a damn though the only thing she cared about was me reaching perfection. Whatever that means.

Now my sperm donor had never cared he would smack me around 'just cuz' he felt like it or 'just cuz' he didn't want to be near me but that was just how Charlie was.

The question that is most likely lingering in your head is why? Why did the horror show made you do all those things? Why are you lonely?etc. etc.

Renee had the belief that she can create the perfect child. I was her lab rat. She wanted to have something to brag and boast about. Charlie on the other hand didn't give jack about anyone or anything that is if you happen to exclude fish, beer, and his friends down at the reservation. Charlie knocked Renee up in high school at some alcohol infested party. I`m a failed abortion, so they couldnt get rid of me. Being the small town that Forks is, rumors went around and soon they got married not out of love but purely because my grandparents threatened to cancel their trust funds.

With that knowledge you can figure out I never saw that parental love for their child shine through my producers eyes. No I only saw the anger, frustration, annoyance, aggravation, and greed.

But no, never love.

Renee soon got sick of Charlie and left with me in the backseat studying morse code waiting for the new location I'm forced to call home. From then on we traveled from cities, to states, to countries. Pageants, contests, music concerts, anything to get cruella deville satisfied. I had gotten money from winning, placing, or simply because I participated, but it all went to my account. Away from Renee. Cruella soon met Phil. Someone who made me cower away from the way he looked at me. I told Renee and she thought I was just doing it for attention, but months after they got married the repulsive man touched me. He. touched. me. That disgusting, horrible memory still manages to bring tears to my eyes. I cried myself to sleep that day. I told Renee in the morning...

I got one hell of a beating.

When I came back from school the next day, all my belongings were packed and a plane ticket to Forks was shoved in my hand. Before I boarded the plane to the dreary town, Ms. Hannigan gave me a discreet slap to the face, and I never faced or contacted my mother since then.

Charlie and I had never acknowledged each other. Ever. He was just some guy I lived with. He was never home and if he was, then I was up in my room undisturbed. It didn't really hurt when he died. Yeah, he died halfway through living with him. Long story short, he died on impact.

Charlie's will was immediately given to me after I got emancipated. It was pretty easy to convince the judge. I had a lot of money from my trust fund, college fund, Charlie's money, and the money in my account, not to mention I was a straight A student. Once I told him that Renee abandoned me, and Charlie was neglectful, and never there, the judge was convinced I can make my own mature decisions. I've been making them anyway.

That September I turned 15 so once October hit I went traveling. I lived in Germany for three months, France one month, Italy a month and a half, Greece two months, Israel half a month, Uganda a week, I went back to Israel the rest of that month, Russia one month, Netherlands the next month, I then went to Italy one week, then France for another week, then Switzerland for the rest of the month, when that month ended it was once again October, I was 16 and had officially traveled for a full year. I went back to Germany that week for a one year anniversary kind of thing. I knew when that week ended I would be leaving Europe, and going to South America to see new places, but I was still high on nostalgia. I took many pictures and videos everywhere I went, I savored every moment. I let a few tears slip as I said goodbye to the country where my life started, I said goodbye to the countries that I visited, or passed through. I was sad that I was living this side of the world, the knowledge that I had one last year of traveling, before going back to Forks was very prominent now.

But I made a promise to myself. A promise that would bring me back to the dull town after my two year anniversary of traveling. I would be 17 and a junior. I would get back on track and focus on my studies, and hopefully have more of a chance at receiving a scholarship. I mean I have money but not to pay for college and take care of myself. I do online schooling right now, and I do work so I wont run out of money, I mean instead of flying I take trains to places around Europe. When I was leaving Israel the first time I took a bus to the closest place I could get to Uganda which is not much but cheaper by taking a short flight trip, then I did the same going back to Israel. When going to Russia I paid full price for the plane ticket, and the same for going to the Netherlands from their I took trains again if not then a bus. I also stayed at cheap hotels and motels, or an inn. For food I got things that were healthy and could last me long, but was a reasonable price.

As for work, I would babysit, sing or play an instrument at places, cook for people, I've cleaned a house maybe once or twice, I got payed to read to kids at bookstores, I've walked dogs, or took care of peoples pets when they were out for the weekend, helped a few people garden, and I was tutor for a few subjects, I even helped people when they got problems with technology, I did those small things. I didn't really work at a place officially. Either way, whatever I did I got paid a good enough price, and helped me so much that I got to put aside money so when I get back and have my drivers license I can buy a new car.

When I left Germany, I took a flight to Brazil, and I stayed there until November, from there I went to Argentina where I stayed until January, that month I went to Chile, and Peru, Ecuador and Columbia in February, Panama and Costa Rica in March Honduras and Nicaragua in April. I then went to Jamaica and Dominican Republic on May til mid June. Then the Bahamas and Miami til August. From Miami I went to New Orleans where I stayed for my birthday and got my license, then left to Houston for the rest of September.

Then October had came, and I wanted to cry. I flew over to San Francisco, and I made the most of my second anniversary, and last week of freedom from the the town full of worthless memories. On my last day of being Forks Free, I went to a car dealership and bought a black Range Rover, that I fell in love with. I packed up my belongings, and placed them in my car, and drove to the place I dreaded, where my childhood was taken away, where I learned I had to grow up, and do things myself, where my mother had left me for good, where my father died. Where everything began.

Yes, I drove to Forks, Washington.

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**A/N: I want to know what you think, or what you think should happen.**

**Please Read and Review!**

**I'm open to ideas, so I would like to know them. Goodbye and**

**Lights Out!**


	2. Chapter 2: Duality

**A/N: I want to thank you all for your reviews, suggestion, favs, and follows. I've been working on this chapter, seeing what works, and what doesn't, since I'm writing this as it goes. Anyway, thank you for your support, and I hope you all like this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, except the plotline.**

**Song: Duality by Bayside**

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On my drive to Forks I couldn't help but feel all but dread. Though I despise the small rainy town I had to come back. I just can't bring myself to transfer, I guess I just want to experience at least one good thing in the town I was originally supposed to be raised in. It hurts, more than I let on. I've been alone all my life, and and thats thanks to damn Charlie and Renee, they both abandoned me, Charlie he did it emotionally, and he neglected me. Renee, the whore, that ensured my life hell. I wouldn't have to live like this, if they were normal. They molded me into a nomadic human. Well, I won't let it happen. Not for the next two years. This is now my home.

Soon enough I pulled into the driveway of my small home which nearly stood in the borders of the forest. It was silent. Peaceful. Surely I had occupied myself with something after being emancipated, which is the jobs people gave me and Charlie's house. I had sold it, and purchased a smaller cheaper house and kept the remaining money saved, so when I came back I didn't have to struggle so much with paying rent.

When you walk in you're entering the living room, which is painted beige, with a long dark brown L couch, a black coffee table in front of the couch, and a big plasma hanging on the wall on the opposite side of the table. To the left there is a doorway that leads to a kitchen painted white it has a brown almost black kitchen table by the corner, then it has a black counter and cupboards, and it ends with a black two door refrigerator. In the living room there is another doorway which leads to a beige hallway. In the middle there is a door in the right wall, which holds the laundry room, with a simple black shelf to keep the cleaning supplies, and of course the washer, and dryer which is also black. At the end of the hallway the room that is next to laundry is the bathroom, it has black counter on side of the wall, then the white toilet, and then the shower with the brown shower curtain. Stepping out, I see another room across the bathroom.

Inside is my room, three of the walls are purple, my bed which is in the middle of the middle purple wall has periwinkle bedsheets and black pillows, next to the bed there is a simple black nightstand on either side. On one table it has a black lamp, and a black ihome on the other. The wall across the bed, is painted black, along with the door in the middle of the wall that leads to the small closet. The purple wall with the entrance to the room has a plain black dresser to the side and holds a purple and pink lava lamp on one end. The purple wall across has a window with white curtains, next to the window there is a black rolling chair and desk that is against the black and purple wall. Its a replica of my old room at Charlie's house. When I go back out the hallway I step into the room with a red door, that is across the laundry room. The small, cheap house is a two bedroom with a small kitchen, small living room, small bathroom, and tiny little laundry room. It's really affordable, I don't have a problem paying the bills, and all the furniture was from Charlie's house so I didn't really buy anything new, except the paint. Since I had an extra bedroom I had decided to make it a lounge room, it had beige walls with a black baby grand piano, violin, acoustic, and electric guitar, an amplifier, cello, and saxophone. All the instruments that I learned and Renee bought for me as a kid. I haven't played because when I did the music that will be played would just reflect all the anger I hold because of my non-existent childhood. Anyway, it has a black love seat by the window. On one wall there is a big black shelf filled with books of all kinds, in all genres, and different languages too. The room also has a black stereo sitting on a black board hung on the wall, under was a small black shelf with all my old CDs. There was bands from Pop Punk, Metal, Hardcore, Grunge, Alternative Rock, Classic Rock, Soft Rock, Punk, Swing, Jazz, Show tunes, even normal classical music, there are several varieties.

I sighed and went outside to start unloading all my belongings. I went to my room first and started putting away all my clothes in the drawers, and hanging my little amount of dresses in the closet, along with my jackets, sweaters, and crew necks. I then got my perfumes, lotions, jewelry box, and deodorant and placed and arranged them on top of the black dresser. I went to a box filled with all my pictures and posters, flight, train, plays, and movie tickets, and small flag replicas of the countries I went. I took them all out, stuck and spread them all over my black wall. I got the body mirror that I hid inside the closet, and hung it on the inside of the closet door, after I got a something to hang it on. On the outside of the door I hung an American Idiot poster. Then I went to the bathroom and unpacked all my toiletries, and nicely arranged them in my bathroom.

After everything was put away it was one in the morning, and I collapsed onto my bed. I soon fell into a refreshing dreamless sleep. When I woke up the next morning I went to the kitchen drank from some left over water since that was all there was. Not that I'm complaining. I went upstairs and dressed in light wash jeans and a breakfast club tank top with old converse, and a black sweater, took three breath mints, grabbed my keys, went into my car and drove off to Walmart.

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When I arrived I got three boxes of tooth paste, a bottle of facial cleanser, two hand soap bottles, stuff for shaving, another deodorant, a new toothbrush, two bottles of shampoo, condition and body wash, a box of pads and tampons, toilet paper pack, paper towel pack, three bottles of dish washing soap, cleaning stuff for the house and clothes, two new towels for emergency, and two black hampers. Next thing I know my cart is to full to go on so I go to the cashier register, and pay for it I go put it away in my car, and go back inside.

Then I go to the food section. I get milk, cereal, apples, pineapples, bananas, grapes, oranges, a watermelon, other food stuff, etc. I pay for it put away in my car, get in and drive to my house.

When I'm back I unload, and put away all the things where they belong. Afterwards, I brush my teeth, take a shower, and wash my face. I dress back to what I was wearing, and go to the kitchen, and start washing all the dishes as much as possible since I was away for two years. When I was done I ate a sandwich, and drank orange juice.

When I finally settled down it was already two in the afternoon. I got out and went job hunting. It really wasn't that hard seeing as it's a small town, and there's 'help wanted' in a handful of stores. I now work in Newton's Outfitters two days of the week, and five days at a movies, games, music, and tech store also known as TechBuff, unique name I know, but hey every penny counts, it all goes for essentials, bills, car insurance (I have Charlie's health insurance not that it's a lot), and gas money, or a separate account that I have for things that I want, but I'm not really putting to much in the account since I don't really want anything else.

Before I went home I went to Forks High School to confirm my registry, and check for any complications, when everything was all set I quickly tried to head out the door and then...

"Isabella dear, also you need to attend school tomorrow, just to let you know, and come by the office to pick up your schedule in the morning. See you tomorrow."

_Joy._

I left the school, and drove to go get gas for my car, before I went home, and sulked.

When I was finally home, it was 7 pm. I then changed into a black tank top, and black basketball shorts. I grabbed my throw blanket, chocolate ice cream, got comfortable on the couch, and watched Captain America, and 300.

The movies were soon over so I put everything away, turned off everything, locked the door, and went into my room.

Once inside my cave I turned on my lava lamp, placed my iPhone on its dock, and put on my sleep playlist. I crawled into bed, while dreading my first day of school. There was a single thought that went through my head before I drifted off into slumber.

_Damn it._

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**A/N: Thank you for reading please review, and I'm open to suggestions, I can say that I will take it into consideration.**

**Please Review!**


	3. Chapter 3: In Exile

**A/N: Thank you for the follows, favorites, and reviews. This chapter is not to long, but bare with me. I hope you like what I got down so far, and please review. I'm going to usually update on Tuesdays, but I just felt like posting this up today, I am going to be making a playlist for this story, but I will choose the songs, when a chapter is made.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, it belongs to Stephanie Meyer. **

**Song: In Exile by Thrice**

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Opening my eyes, in a house where I live by myself, and only being 17 is not the ideal thing for a teenager. Realizing the ideal thing for them is to go to school, I feel aggravated since I am doing one of the ideal things, and that's going to school.

Getting out of bed, I put my classic rock playlist on the highest volume, and head to the bathroom for my routine. When I finished I dressed in black jeans, a black American Idiot shirt, burgundy leather jacket, and burgundy vans with black laces. I let my hair loose and put my iphone, and earphones in my school bag and went to the kitchen.

In the kitchen I quickly made, and ate my cereal. After washing the bowl, and spoon, I left my house, and drove off to the Chambers of Hell.

Parking near the office, I got out, and headed inside. Once inside I asked for my schedule, and it was given to me.

I drove back to the main parking lot, and got ready for the stares, and whispering. Stepping out of my car, just as I expected, the whole student body was staring, and whispering.

Rude.

Making my way through the halls, a boy with an acne breakout stopped in front of me.

"Hey I'm Eric Yorkie, and you are?"

"Isabella, but I go by Bella," I replied to the overly friendly boy.

"Well Bella, do you need any help finding your classes?" Eric asked.

"Um... Yeah, sure."

After Eric led me to my first class, I couldn't help but wonder what the rumors, about the 'new girl' are. Would people recognize me, as the late chief of police almost bastard child, or would I be known for just the new girl, that nobody knows crap about.

Entering my class, I was greeted by silence, and stares.

"You must be Isabella Swan," the teacher asked.

"Yes, and just Bella," I replied.

"Ok, well I'm Mr. Mason," and that's what happened in all my classes, and then it was lunch.

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Entering the cafeteria I was immediately, the topic of all conversations.

"Bella!"

I turn around and see Eric, and some other students, motioning for me to sit with them.

"Bella over here!"

Having no other place to sit, I sat at there table.

"Hey Bella,"Eric said.

"Hey."I replied.

"Well this is Jessica, Mike, Angela, Tyler, and Lauren."Eric informed me.

"Hi." I said awkwardly.

"Hey, so aren't you the one with the dead dad." Lauren sneered.

"Lauren!" Angela scolded.

"No, its okay, and yeah that's me." I said calmly.

"Wait, so what happened to you, after Charlie died, months later you liked disappeared." Mike asked a little to interested.

"Just been here and there." That was the end of that conversation, and they knew it.

We then fell into another conversation. Later, I turned my head only to see _them_. Jessica noticed me staring and spoke.

"Those are the Cullens." Jessica said.

"The Cullens?"

"The big dark haired guy is Emmett, the blond girl is Rosalie, and the other blond is her twin Jasper, and the small girl next to him is Alice. They're all adopted, and like together together. Emmett and Rosalie, are like a thing, I don't even think it's legal."Jessica answered.

"But there adopted, so it doesn't really count."Angela said.

"Who's that?" I nodded towards his direction.

"That's Edward Cullen, gorgeous, but single, apparently none of the girls here are good enough for him." Jessica said.

"I wonder how many times he turned you down," I jokingly murmured.

I looked at them only to see chuckling, and smiling.

"Don't waste your time."Jessica said. I guess I wasn't heard.

"I wasn't planning on it." I replied.

The conversation then was about the new haircut one of the teachers got.  
I turned to look at Cullens, and Edward looked at me, frustrated. Huh, weird.

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I walked in biology, and the teacher, Mr. Banner directed me to my seat. Next to Edward.

I looked only to see angry black eyes glaring at me. Well this class will certainly be... interesting.

The whole time, Edward looked like he wanted me dead. Wondered what I did to him.

When class was over he was the first to leave, while I took my time putting away my things.

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The rest of the day past uneventful, and soon I was inside my home getting ready for bed.

Slipping into my bed I let my mind be surrounded by my music.

This town is not my home, but this house that holds my memorable things, is a close enough candidate.

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**A/N: Not much, but please review, I would like to know what you think, or suggestions.**


	4. Chapter 4: Conspiracy

**A/N: Hey, well I'm back and thank you for the reviews and follows, it took me a while to plot out this chapter since I'm actually making this up as it continues, but I've got a lot of ideas set for the story later on. Not much in this chapter, but I would really appreciate your feedback, and see your suggestions on what you think should happen, or would be good for the story or a chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, it belongs to Stephanie Meyer.**

**Song: Conspiracy by Paramore**

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A week

That's how long Edward Cullen has been out of school. I have something to do with it, that much is clear, what it is I don't know. I'm confused by the fact that my mind keeps turning back to the bronzed- haired teenage boy. The boy who although knows nothing about me looked as if he had my death planned out, as if I tortured his being and soul entirely.

Maybe, I'm just paranoid. Yeah, that works I'm paranoid. Being back, is just I guess overwhelming, and looking death in the eyes is just not helping.

Getting out of bed ready to start my second week of school, I can't help but wish the weekend can come sooner than later. When I finish my routine, I dress in dark wash jeans, a black v-neck, black hoodie over it, and white and black vans. I go to the kitchen and eat a slice of toast, I soon finish and head out to my car.

Crap

It's freezing, and the roads are icy. This is perfect. Just perfect. I'll just have to drive slower, and be more careful than usual. Hopping in to the drivers seat I turn the heater on and drive off to school.

Arriving I get out and make my way to my first class. The day passed, and soon I was entering the cafeteria, while I get my water and apple I take a look around the cafeteria only to see Edward Cullen looking at me. I quickly look away, I grab my lunch, and sit next to Angela Webber.

"Guess Cullen is back," Mike says.

"What do you have against him, he's so hot," Jessica states.

"Hot? He's a freak," Mike replies.

"What are you jealous, or something?" Lauren teases.

"What is there to be jealous about him," He says.

"Everything." Jessica and Lauren say.

The conversation soon drops, and turns to Lauren's bleached hair, while Ben, Angela, and I talk about school stuff. The bell soon rings, and I make my way to Biology not knowing what to expect now that Edward is back. Sitting down at my seat I notice he's staring at me.

"Hello," Edward velvety voice says.

"Hi," I say timidly.

"I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself properly last week, I'm Edward Cullen, you're Isabella Swan," he replies.

"Just Bella," I correct.

"Ok, Bella," he adds.

That's when the teacher walked in, and told us our lesson, and partnered us for a lab.

"Prophase," I answered.

"Mind if I check." I shake my head.

"Prophase," he says.

"Like I said." We soon finished, and had time to kill.

"So what brings you to a town like Forks?" Edward asks.

"Uhh, It's complicated," I reply.

"I'm sure I can keep up,"he says.

What do I tell him? What do people actually even know about me? I realize I don't know the answer to those questions.

"Um, well, my dad," I internally cringe at that "died here when I was fourteen and I went away somewhere. I just decided to come back for school."

Well, it's not a lie.

"And, your mom?" He asks confused.

"Um, can we, um, not talk about it." I say awkwardly.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, didn't mean to pry," he apologizes.

"No, it's fine, just," I let out a breath "Complicated."

The bell rings, and we walk out of class, and I make my way to gym.

When school was over, I look across the parking lot and see the Cullens looking at me.

Not weird at all.

Standing next to my car I hear and ear splitting screech. I turn to see Tyler van out of control and coming towards me, suddenly a pair of arms are around me and pulling me down the ground. I look up to see Edward stopping the van with his hand. That's when the student body surrounded the scene, screams, and shouts asking if me and Tyler are okay, and calling 911. I later find myself sitting on a hospital bed waiting for the doctor.

"Isabella Swan, well there's nothing wrong, but I'm going to do a quick check up." A young blonde doctor comes in says.

"Well, there's no sign of head trauma, but I suggest you go easy today, by the way I'm Dr. Cullen." He states. Edward's dad.

"Hi, just Bella." I correct.

"My apologies, well it seems we can't contact your parents to discharge you," he says.

"Uh yeah, well I'm my own legal guardian, I got an emancipation a few years back." I pull out a paper from my bag, and hand it to him. He looks it over and returns the paper to me.

"Okay well I'll get you the papers to sign, then you can be released," He says slightly surprised.

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Around 15 minutes later I'm already home and getting started in homework. When I'm done I take a shower, get dressed in jeans, blue v-neck, grey hoodie, black converse, and go to the kitchen where I eat a sandwich, then leave and drive off to TechBuff. The only thing we need to wear is a blue lanyard, with a key and ID card.

Hours laters I'm leaving, driving home in my car. Entering my house I lock up and dress in some pajamas, and head to bed listening to music, while being taken over by my thoughts.

Edward.

The boy who has taken over my thoughts. The boy who has four siblings, a mother, and father. Maybe he doesn't have the perfect life, but he has family, and I just hope that he doesn't take that for granted. That nobody does. I, sure as hell wouldn't. I would savor every moment, because this life I live keeps me from seeing love shine from a mother and father. Family is something so precious, that I wonder why take it for granted, when you can appreciate being loved unconditionally by the people who surround you at home.

Unconditional love by family.

Maybe that's my wish, a wish I don't deserve.

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**A/N: I would like to know what you think, suggestions are welcomed.**

**Review!**


	5. Chapter 5: Under the Knife

**A/N: Hey, thank you for the reviews, follows, and favorites. I remember when I only had like 12 follows and now I have 45 thats crazy, but awesome and I love all of you for the support. Now this chapter is notnto long but it does have a plot thats is going support a later part of the story that I've planned out. There was guest who asked about powers or something like that but no she doesn't but if you read this you'll get a small taste of whats going to happen, and no its not going to takeover the plot, its just a little something that will create a little problem for her, but its small. Don't worry I'm still sticking to my original idea. Nothing is changing. This is long so I'll just end it here.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.**

**Song: Under the Knife by Rise Against**

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Wake up, morning routine, eat, go to school, eat, go to work, go home, eat, dress, go to bed, sleep.

That's been my nightmare since I've been in the hospital. I've have had horrible nights for a week. It's starts off with a woman's gentle voice, and she simply says wake up in my mind, the voice is so terrifyingly familiar but so oddly unknown. Anyway, in my nightmare after I wake up from the voice, I see my body following the orders of the voice. Orders that are so perfectly followed as if I'm a soldier ordered by a general. Everything precise and not a step out of place. Routinely, but monotonous. I see my body, but not my face, wake, morning routine, eat, go to school, eat, go to work, go home, eat, dress, go to bed, sleep. Everything she, the voice, said to do. The scary about it is that right before my body sleeps, I see my face and I see my eyes right before they shut. I see soulless eyes, dead eyes. I see her. I see Void. Someone I want to lie about being, but can't because I know deep inside that's who I am. I have no to trust in this world, but me, and I can't trust a liar.

Staring at the t.v I can't help but feel anger at my parents, myself, everything. Why does my life have to be so messy and confusing. Everything that happened to me is something I think I can handle, but to now have my subconscious going against me, it's only a matter of time before I lose my mind. If I haven't already. This week has definitely been stressful. Everywhere I went there were people waiting to find more inside scoop on Bella Swan, the one who almost died. How Wonderful. To top it all off, Edward Cullen has been avoiding me like the plague, last one to enter the class, and first to leave. I think I have pretty good idea on his reason for that.

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When I was in the bathroom on Monday morning, and I looked at my mirror in horror. There were tiny bags not the most noticeable but still there. I look away not wanting to be reminded of why they're there in the first place. I take a shower, brush my teeth, and wash my face. I slip on black pants, black tank, a red flannel, and my brown boots.

I got to the kitchen eat my breakfast, once done I head and drive to school praying to God that the attention will finally stray away from me.

When lunch came, I was filled with relief since the first half of the day was about something other than 'The Dramatic Crash that almost Killed the New Kid in School'. The whole time in lunch was just spent eating and talking to Angela and Ben.

I reluctantly walked to biology. The dreadful class was filled with awkwardness and uncomfortable silence between Edward and I.

When I sat down at my seat, I was once again in a uncomfortable silence. Well you know what that's it I'm tired of him avoiding me, I can't be in this awkwardness anymore.

"Hey, I just... Thanks for um helping me with the van and stuff." I'm so awkward it's sad.

"Don't mention it," he's says short and straight to the point. Then I remembered something in particular.

"By the way how did you get to me so fast."

"Bella I was standing right next to you."

"No you were standing next to your car across the parking lot."

"Look you hit your hea-"

"I didn't. I wanna know."

"I had an adrenaline rush it's very common you can look it up on google."

He knows I don't believe him, but I let it go. Just then the teacher came in and the rest of the class flew by. When the bell rang, Edward came up to me.

"Look it's better if we don't become friends."

"Well you can save yourself the trouble. It's fine. Imma head to class, see you tomorrow."

From then on the rest of the day past by ordinary and fine. When I was entering my house I ate quickly and got ready for bed, when everything was locked and my playlist playing at nice volume, fell into a deep sleep, and to my surprise there was no nightmare. I was in a state of bliss thankful to be undisturbed this night.

* * *

_'Wake Up'_

I abruptly woke up gasping for air.

What was that? Who said that?

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**A/N: Like I said no powers, just her subconscious playing out her fears. Now this thing won't be going on for the whole story just maybe just less than a handful of chapters, its really just to keep the story intresting, active, and moving.**

**Please review and suggest on anything, I'll really appreciate it.**

**Bye!**


	6. Chapter 6: Give Me Novacine

**A/N: Dear people, I'm sorry I haven't been updating, I have been really busy lately, this is not much, it actually the shortest chapter but I promise that the story will pick up, and be more interesting in a few more chapters, and by that I mean, meeting the rest of the Cullens, so stick around.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, it belongs to Stephanie Meyer.**

**Song: Give Me Novacine by Green Day**

* * *

Numb could mean endless things when it comes to me. Numb is such a scary thing to feel. It feels as though no sense can come to you. As if all you do is just move and breathe but never live. Like you're a lifeless puppet yet you don't know who is pulling your strings. Numb is what I immediately felt when I finally came to terms with what happened. I heard her. I don't know who she is, but I do know that she is not a person I would like.

My dream is coming to life and I don't know what to make of that thought. I quickly got out of and rushed to get everything done and just get to school, and try to forget the unknown voice.

Entering the school hallway, I was immediately greeted by mike newton. Perfect just what I need.

* * *

"Bella! Hey, well um I was kind if wondering if you would uhhh. Go out. With me. To Sadie Hawkins." This can not be happening right now.

"Isn't it girls choice." Raising my eyebrow.

"Yeah but I thought maybe you being new, makes you to shy to ask so..."

"Yeah, no, I'm a be out of town," I say shortly and quickly walk away.

I didn't really want to be mean about it but I honestly don't want to deal anything today.

* * *

Once I entered biology I was hoping to be undisturbed, and again that was not the case.

"Bella!" I faked a smile and turned to to the young boy.

"Yes, Eric?" I said sweetly.

"Well, you see I was wondering if you wanted to go to the dance with me, I figured you know maybe you said you had go out of town because you wanted to let Mike down easy but umm..." Eric rambles.

"I really am going out of town, so no, and it's girls if that slipped your mind." I say carelessly.

"Oh um... Well-"

"Eric sit down, class has started,"I have never been so thankful for teachers. When the teacher handed us our work the chatter began.

"So, what's you're idea of getting out of town?" Edward asks. What happened to avoiding me?

"What do you mean?"

"Well, apparently Mike and Eric ask you to the dance, and you say that you will be out of town. Now, if you're telling the truth, then it's either you're going shopping, or you're visiting family. Talk of the town is you have no family. Your father died in a car accident, and your mother is somewhere unknown, but after your father's death you disappeared. Which one is it shopping or visiting?"

What the hell? This damn bastard, who all but avoids me, has no interest in being my friend, just asks me something like that. After springing my past on me like that. He needs a seminar on how to approach people.

"What are you getting at?" I question emotionless.

"Just trying to figure you out."

The bell rings, and I walk out. That's enough for today.

* * *

When I enter my room after work, I'm spent. All of today has just been stressful. I'm tired. Physically, emotionally, and mentally. I'm tired, and I want everything to just stop. I want to sleep, and have no dreams, is that too much. Just to be normal.

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**A/N: I really want to know what you think, and also really want to know if you have any ideas for the next chapter.**

**Review!**


	7. Chapter 7: Little Things Give You Away

**A/N: Hey, well here is chapter 7, once again thank you for the reviews, follows, and favorites. This chapter is thankfully longer than the last. Its probably not to interesting, but right now I'm just trying to build up the plot. Hope you like it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything it belongs to Stephanie Meyer. **

**Song: The Little Things Give You Away by Linkin Park**

* * *

The rest of the week was a blur. I did what I had to do, and went on with what I had next. One thing that was different was Edward. He would say hello, make small talk, and just stare at me during lunch. My feelings on the other hand are being haywire. With a simple touch of the hand, he turns my legs into jelly. His golden eyes that at times look black, can just pierce through my own and it feels like he's seeing my soul. Then the crooked smile, which can make me swoon when directed at me.

This is all so weird, is this what it means to like somebody. To be honest all these emotions, and these constant butterflies are giving me a headache. I don't know how people do this. Handle this. All I know is that I have to get out bed, move on with my Sunday.

Once I'm all cleaned up and in my car, I drive off to Port Angeles. It's the beginning of the second week in November, which means it's gonna get much colder, thus me going off to purchase winter clothes.

* * *

When I got to the mall I went to the affordable stores and purchased what I needed. When I was done I went to shoe stores and bought a few to replace my old beaten up ones. By the time I was done it was 2 in the afternoon. Since I had time to kill, I went to the bookstore and purchased a copy of all the Grimm's fairytales, and a small coffee. When I was done with my coffee and browsing I went outside.

After walking through all the alleys for ten minutes, I was officially lost. Great, I just don't have the best of luck and next thing you know I'm getting murdered.

"Hey, baby" A mans voice comes from behind me.

Or raped.

"Ooh, look what we caught" another man says.

Or both.

Before I know it I'm being surrounded, and the men are trying grab at me. This can't be happening. My life is crap enough, jeez leave me alone for once.

"Don't touch me!" I knee a guy in the groin and he keels over.

I hear piercing sound, and I look over only to see Edward's livid face. Whoa, hold up. Was he following? Was he passing through? Am I seriously questioning him at this moment.

"Get in the car." I don't hesitate to do exactly that. Since his back was turned to me, I couldn't see what he was doing. Although, I do know it was enough to send the monsters running. Once he was inside the car, he angrily suggested we kill the creeps, I disagreed, he then asked me to distract him. That's where we started our conversation on seat-belts. Suddenly, I remembered something.

"Hey, can you drop me off at the parking lot of the bookstore?" He gives confused look.

"My car is there. Can't really leave it" I elaborate.

"Alright," he answers.

"Thanks, by the way. For the help."

"No problem." He says shortly.

"How did you know where I was?" I ask suspiciously.

"I didn't."

"Ok, whatever." We were in a red light and I made a move to get out, but at the last minute he put the child locks.

"Seriously."

"I'm sorry, I just."

"You just what?"

"I feel very protective of you."he rushed out.

"You were following me."

"I was trying to keep my distance but then I heard what those low-lives were thinking and I..."

"Wait. You said you heard what they were thinking. You read minds," I said uncertain. He stayed quiet for a few minutes, and then spoke.

"I can read everyone's mind except for yours it's very frustrating."

"Is there something wrong with me?"

"I tell you that I reminds and you think that there's something wrong with you."

"Sorry it's just. I mean it's kind of weird never really heard of the reading minds thing." Is it crazy that I actually believe him.

"It's fine."

We stayed silent for a few minutes, but then I remembered my car. When we came by the parking lot of the bookstore I pointed it out to him and he pass by and dropped me off.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"Well I'll see you at school, bye."

Once I was settled into my car I took a few moments to breathe and relax and actually take in everything that has happened today. I mean from almost getting raped to finding out that your classmate reads minds and that he has been following you, it's safe to say that it's been one hell of a day.

* * *

When I got home I quickly dressed into my uniform and got ready for work. I almost forgot about it but as soon as it's over I'm going home and just sleep, and hopefully I can actually take my mind off things until it's tomorrow, which is where things are going to go back to hell and exhaustion just like every other day.

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**A/N: I would love to know your feedback, and suggestions to write what you'll think would be better. Love you all.**

**Review!**


	8. Chapter 8: So Cold

**A/N: So sorry I haven't updated I've been extremely busy. I'm trying to also plan what to do to have the story more active so please if you have ANY suggestions Ill have an open mind. I'm sorry if the chapter wasn't the best I was trying to have this scene a little different. I'll stop talking now. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything it belongs to Stephanie Meyer. **

**Song: So Cold by Breaking Benjamin**

* * *

Edward Cullen

He's taken over my mind. There's something different about him, I've known that from the moment I saw him I just don't know what the difference is. I spent the night of my horrible trip to Port Angeles researching this guy, who has shown interest in me.

His beautiful yet strange eyes, that change color.

_...I looked only to see angry black eyes glaring at me_.

_...His golden eyes that at times look black_

Impossible speed

_...I turn to see Tyler van out of control and coming towards me, suddenly a pair of arms are around me and pulling me down the ground._

Unbelievable strength

_...I look up to see Edward stopping the van with his hand._

Pale white skin, and cold skin that I've come to be fond of. Every feature of him is perfect. After researching and looking into this I've come to a conclusion. Edward Cullen is not human. Call me crazy, but he is something that was in endless stories. Stories that were meant to scare. So in turn he is supposed to scare me. Thing is I doesn't. I don't think I can ever be able to fear him.

Edward Cullen is a vampire, and I don't know what to make of that piece of knowledge.

The next day, I woke up uncertain. Would I continue talking to Edward, or would I cut off communication. Once I was ready, in my car, and on the road to school, I knew my answer.

I had my car parked in its usual spot, and got out. I looked across the parking lot and there he was. Perfect features, beautiful bronze hair, and pale as death skin. Suddenly his younger sister Alice moved her lips, and Edward looked as if he had gotten paler if that was even possible. He looked straight at me and I started walking into the forest, knowing he would follow.

When I was at a safe, good distance away from the school I stopped walking, and just stood there wondering where to start.

"You're impossibly fast, and strong, you're skin is pale white and ice cold, you never eat or drink anything, you don't go out in the sunlight, and sometimes you speak as if you were from a different time. I know what you are." I was nervous, not about death. I was just simply nervous.

"Say it." Edward responded. I stayed quiet.

"Say it." He repeated.

"Vampire." I say without thinking.

"Then answer the most basic question, what do we eat?"

"You won't hurt me." And that was the truth.

"I can't promise that."

"I trust you"

"How can you even?"

"You've showed me more reasons then my own blood."

"I'm a killer, I've killed people. Do you not understand that."

Then he left my sight in a split second, and found him sitting on a branch high on a tree.

"I wanted to kill you, it was as if you were sent from the devil to tempt. You're blood is like a drug to me. Like my own personal brand of heroin."

He jumped off the branch and walked over to me.

"Are you afraid?" He asks.

"no" I reply.

"What are you thinking?"

"I'm afraid I'm going to lose you. I feel like you're gonna disappear."

That moment was so foreign. I would never dare speak to someone like that. He's changing me and I didn't even notice. My feelings were finally spoken. Will it become often? I honestly don't know.

"So the lion fell in love with the lamb."

"What a stupid lamb."

"what a sick, masochistic lion."

* * *

The next morning I kept reliving that memory. I remember every word spoken, every silent moment, and every breath taken.

_...So the lion fell in love with the lamb._

Something was different though, I felt something that I have never across of in my whole life. He cares about me. Someone actually cares. Someone notices I'm alive, that I'm living and breathing. Well now I'm angry. This impossibly amazing feeling is being introduced to me now! I could've gone 17 damn years, never having to want care from someone! But God forbid I actually had that. All because of two deadbeats who denied me a family. Is it so bad that to want a family? My tears are a proven fact that I am human, but my stupid mother didn't understand that. Now I suffer the consequences of that.

Do I even have a soul?

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**A/N: Hoped you like it. Please Please review. **

**Until next time. **


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